ALONE...SO ALONE....

The last time I felt this marooned was when i sat huddled up in my oversized maroon tunic and white blouse in a roomful of screaming, shierking, screeching beings with my leathery sheild containing alphabet-books and skeptically-pointed pencils held my defencively before my perplexed countenance...a mere child of five and a half years of age....And now as I sat at my french poetry-scribbled weather-beaten desk,the same menacing feeling of isolation crept back again...slowly, stealthily it slithered into my being..i looked around at the colourful sea of humans around me...humans who thumped each other on the back, smiled and winked... and humans who all seemed blissfully oblivious to my existence...A few faces i recognised..faces of friends who had just the other day rubbed happy shoulders with me...but now i was no more than thoses fiery words of poetry scribbled in a bout of poetic frenzy on the weather-beaten desk...nothing but an endless,meaningless plank of wood that would eventually fall prey to the merciless hands of Time...

SHADES OF LOVE....

The stubborn hands of his watch refused to budge an inch more...there they stood their ground, on no-man's land, STUCK somewhere between the tenth and eleventh hour, while eddies of worldly dust and black exhaust fumes hovered over him, enervating him...testing his very patience...
Sophisticated animals in iron and steel honked away in blissful oblivion...burping contentedly now and then after satiating their thirst with a good many litres of petrol, they now strolled down the concrete unmoving sea with the air of one who has been well-fed....
I watched him from my position on top of the crumbling brick wall...i have been watching him for about five consecutive days now...his innate impatience with this lethargic life interested me..i fancied seeing him all of a sudden,riding pillion on a majestic white horse, holding on tight to rash little Life...dodging the slowly-moving mass of humanity and flying off into some exotic world....
However,what stirred my interest the most was his drastic change of facial expression the moment bus number 45 lurched to a stop before him...At once, the cresses adorning his perspiring forehead would disappear,his desperate attempts at entertaining a menacing scowl on his visage would attenuate...and an ever-so-tiny smile would take its place...
For there she would be...sitting by the gaping window on the fifth seat from the left...there she would be...and there she was today as well...with her shoulder-length jet-black sheet of glossy hair,she sat a perfect mannequin,her piercing eyes, glistening like two alluring marbles...her lucious pink lips sat pursed in concentration..not daring to pout open...the milky white skin seemed dipped in a blood-red concoction...probably, rose petals that had somehow been shredded,plummaged mercilessly in a mortar and then mixed vigorously with pure heavenly milk...
I climbed in behind him...The claustrophobic existence did nothing to kindle his anger or irritation....he just stood transfixed before her...holding on to the rusty iron-bar overhead,he swayed and stumbled occasionally to the hackneyed rhythm of the crawling bus...blissfully unaware of the rest of the grimy reeking world around him...The eyes just refused to budge...very much like the immobile hands of his watch....Time, as i chose to interpret it, had indeed stopped in its track...This sudden thudding of a pristine little heart among a junkyard of convoluted, manupulating, wicked minds shocked it...freezed it in its steps....and thus, the errily magical moment that passed in a blink, as she gave a fleeting glance to him and as he, softly but sharply drew in his breath...stood captivated in the silvery, translucent web of Time...Time will remember to scribble down the beauty of this sudden moment in its memory-book....i gave a little smile...
Today was 'the day', his eyes seemed to say...will he or will he not, win?...The long long wait...the heat,the grime..the dust,the smoke...fighting it all just to be on the same bus with her...he has to win....my heart swelled with sudden undefined pride as i found myself cheering him on silently...



Oh!...Why hadn't she ever spared more then just a fleeting glance at him?....and oh!...why hadn't she ever trailed her mesmerising eyes from his handsome face down to his hands?...then she would have seen the tiny glittering knife grasped resolutely in those masculine hands...the knife that he used stealthily as she edged her way towards the door..the knife that seemed to take on a life of its own and made a grand gaping hole in the soft leather of her hand-bag...in went an expert hand and out came an assortment of worldly possessions...a sleek cell phone...a beaded little purse...a gold chain and a hair-brush...the hair-brush went back in...and she alighted from the bus, feeling strangely carefree and 'light'.....

WELL WELL..LETS NOT BE CYNICAL YET..THIS WAS JUST ANOTHER SHADE OF LOVE.......

DEATH....

An old fellow had once complained about his dead friends…”I do not find these disappearing acts of theirs’ at all amusing!”…Pardon me if my words sound unpleasantly pregnant with cynicism but I do find Death pretty amusing…in an age when Man has victoriously answered to Nature’s call on the brazen face of the Moon and entrapped the world in a constricting web of red, green and brown wires, Death still rejoices in the deep dark vortex of the Unknown…Bewildered, astounded, stupefied Man continues to drill through but victory is elusive…it sprints gleefully about…chuckles at street corners….scoffs at them all as they, bearing the halogen lamp, march onwards…and thus, the quest continues…..
Death is indeed cynically, sadistically amusing….very few living souls can digest this bit of grim humor without a strong dose of isabgol….and yet we all have to gulp it down one fine insipid, uneventful morning…gulp it down like an unsuspicious cup of black tea…and eureka! Our hackneyed journey on earth is done!
I wonder on my idle vagabond days, who invites Death? A flamboyant purple parchment embellished with sparkling gold vines and creepers, encasing verbose, formal words of invitation….is that how Death creeps in through life’s wide-open gates?….I have never been able to bring my imagination to believe that Death just might be a hunchback beggar in tattered rags…extending out its gnarled wrists, shaking a disfigured aluminium bowl, begging for life itself…and Man is too much attached to this brick and mortal world to give it away in charity. So Death just bulldozes through the carefully constructed walls…spreads its hooked tentacles and sweeps its victim off…off…far far away into the diabolic world of clandestine existence….
So be it…Death is a Chameleon, agreed !…but it is amusing all the same…it amuses me…it amuses my pupils that, having been accustomed to the presence of a living soul around its line of vision suddenly finds that soul living no more! There lies my friend, a smug little smile plastered on her face that will only be wiped away by the unmerciful hellish flames of the electric chullah …there she lies in a state of irritating complacency, not twitching an eyebrow, not scratching her slightly perspiring temple with her long nails…there she lies, yet another tenant of Death....

I AM FREE!

"I am free!",cried he...and dramatically spat on the street...Equally patriotic souls joined in and soon the helpless cemented street lay a pitiable sight...a gruesome battlefield strewn with contentedly-empty beer bottles and smirking cigarette-butts...Freedom has been won...and justified....
"I am free!",proclaimed she...and curling a resolute palm around the yellowing wrist of the five thousand year old skeleton in the desolate museum,crack! broke it in half!...the amputated appendage slipped into her backpack...it would fetch her definite acccolades from fellow revolutioneries...mighty pats on the back and cheers of "bravo!" from all...she smiled in satisfaction...Freedom has been won...and justified....
"We are free!",exclaimed they...and went on a fiery rampage,pulling down brick and mortar...spilling eerily-familiar blood...committing arson..spreading terror and fear....and all because, 'smoking has been strictly prohibited on campus'....They did not stop...did not take a breath...not until fifty odd cigarettes blazed defiantly in fifty odd fingers again...rings of tobacco smoke rose in the night air like victorious soldiers rising from the valley of death with Death itself caged in thick iron cages...Freedom has been won...and justified...again..and again..and again...
Thus, a very happy independence day to all folks there...Freedom has been won..and WILL BE justified indeed!

RAINDROPS...

Sprays of water hit my face like a million tantalizing pin-pricks...rain-sodden curtains lent their master touches to this mischievious artwork by gently carressing my countenance whenever the billowing monsoon winds buoyed them up and i lay sprawled in blissful submission to Nature's silken brush-strokes. A solitary crow was ambling slowly, resentfully towards the safety of my window-ledge from its precarious positon on the rusty garder hugging the drain-pipe of my brick and mortar existence...Honking, belching beasts in iron and steel passed below...the monotonous yet alien swish! slosh! indicated that the beasts were wading through tea-coloured water..there will be the careless yet violently religious offerings made to this holy waterbody..an interesting potpourri of empty coconut shells,torn slippers,half-eaten-and- the-rest-forsaken cucumbers,tomatoes and loafs of bread,yellowing pages of daily locals dating back to 2001 and the occasional stray dogs,impersonating wild ducks...Now and then, the overcast sky in its menacing black and threatening grey burped in contentment...a sudden blinding flash followed by a resouding crack! and there we were, caught unaware...framed for eternity in our most candid expressions!...Towering coconut trees flapped their green wings in a desperate attempt to fly...they wriggled and swayed...dropped a few pregnant coconuts in distress and yet stayed rooted to the soil...crows, sparrows and the rest of the winged creatures smirked at this futile act of desperation...and then,spreading their own feathery appendages, floated away in the dark tumultous sea above....Men continued their tedious journey below....wading through all watery barriers,hoisting up colourful apparels,clutching canopies over their heads...cursing....growling....and intermittently,missing a step and slipping....Yet,admist all the cacaphony..the hustle, the bustle and the plaintive whistle of the shuddering traffic-police...some naughty little Fellow Above kept clicking away His camera at leisure!

ROSE BUDS....

He was there all the while...like the inconsequential lone light-bulb, ungraciously gracing the white-washed wall in every single scene of the sixty minutes motion picture...he was there all the while....but my eyes saw him not.They were too busy satiating their visual hunger for greater things..things that shone and sparkled in the sun..things that left one shocked,stupified,stupended..things that danced cunningly before my vulnerable eyes like alluring little fireflies...and then,as i reached out my hand,off they flew into oblivion leaving behind an erotic trail of chuckles and smirks.
He left behind a shy little rose bud in my lizard-infested letter-box everyday...a rose-bud for me...like pursed lips they sat silent in my flower-vase only incurring my irritation at their passivity....by and by,they all met the same dishonourable fate...rubbing delicate shoulders with eggshells, rotten tomatoes and intricate fish-bones, they slowly lapsed into non-exsistence...Thus, without realisation, i kept plundering his heart...almost a sadist,i derived joy in making him cry...and yet,the silent lovers kept appearing in my lizard-infested letter-box.
He tried erecting the strongest of earthly walls around me to keep me protected...standing senitel at the great iron doors,he spent infinite sleepless nights.Armed with a menacing sword, he paraded the grounds, ready to cut, slash and burn...singular beads of sweat united in a deluge of perspiration and drenched his being, ugly black rings circled his deep-river eyes...and yet he stood his ground.I saw it all from my window above...silently cursing him all the while.
His laments tore through the night air making hyneas recoil in fear...the cries of anguish...of loss, shattered window-panes,snuffed out glowing candles,made scavenging rodents scurry back to their burrows,aghast....I had cheated him...broke through his protective bars and escaped into the seemingly free world...my mendacity shocked him..but as the tears slithered down his grimy face,i hooted and jeered..oh! how i despised his mawkish nature!....and thus i left him...a defeated man....
It had been three days..just three days in the free world...and i had been sucked of all life...there i lay in the dust,crushed, beaten...choked and throttled...all that my eyes encountered were brisk footfalls and all that my ears heard were nasty catcalls...the heavens rained no mercy on me...the earth remained parched....shockingly dry.
It was then that my pregnant lizard-infested letter-box burst open with a mighty crack!..and out spilled blood-red roses..pouting and bright...the lips had finally opened,they were pursed no more.....and as i took them up in my writhered arms,they seemed to snuggle closer...warmth spread through my cold shuddering frame,shot through my heart and spilled out in silent retribution through the corner of my eyes...i realised,i was finally alive again.....
'I love you' was easy to utter...shamelessly,remorselessly i let the words spring forth from my mouth...But he shook his head and said.'let it stay the way it was before...'
Thus,he continues to be there...the lone insipid little light-bulb ungraciously gracing the white-washed wall in every scene of the sixty minutes motion picture.....and the silent rose-buds keep arriving in my newly erected lizard-free letter-box..but the only inconsequential abberation here is that...now,i wait for hours on end to hear the rose-buds speak...speak those very words that earlier i had not the ear to hear....

FREEDOM....

A narrow rivulet of translucent sweat meandered down my temple...paused a while in silent contemplation at the bridge of my nose, only to steer right, and then took the mighty plunge into the deep dark heaving crevice below hidden ever so cunningly by my faded green dupatta and i gave a tired sigh....
The seemingly tamed serpent in iron and steel slithered along its metallic tracks...a whirlwind of 'Heavenly smoke' from an idle smoker's middle-aged cigarette-butt and grains of earthly dust nudged the lethargic blades of the rusty ceiling-fans above,giving but momentary respite to the passengers below....and the ailing serpent crawled on through the concrete jungle....
The resolute little ant slipped the thirteenth time....sliding down the glass-pane, it hit the dirt-clogged sill below with a silent thud! However, regaining composure with the air of a ruffled hero,it continued its up-hill climb...
A blurred kaleidoscope of red, blue, green and grey,symbolic of terraced hills,harnessed rivers and cultivated plains swam by...ocassionally,the gnarled ribs of trees caught my eye...i shuddered at the sight of its petrified leaves...it seemed almost dead...dead and embalmed...The sun hooted...its cynical laughter echoed in my ears...i could hear the earth writhing in pain and distress...the earth was being tossed over and over in the hot saucepan..it was being roasted alive...the terrible nauseatic stench of burning flesh attacked my nostrils again....i gave another tired sigh....
The minutes ticked away menacingly,the serpent echoed this warning in the mundanely rhythmic chugging of its wheels...the heat bore down on me,oppressing my spirit, making my patchworked heart grimace in excruciating pain and all the while, the rivulet of sweat continued its journey into the dark vortex of oblivion....
I could take it no more...red-hot anger burst through my veins,the unseen shackles held on to my being like a constricting python..tighter..tighter...my breath came in short uncertain puffs...Earth turned a nasty brown like overcooked onions....and i wrenched open my clumsily sequined cloth coffer,delved a greedy hand into its pregnant interiors and in a final act of difiance,threw all my wordly possessions out of the window...my coffer gaped at me in derision...i smiled back at its chagrined countenance!
"Ticket!", "ticket!"...the conductor stretched out his shamelessly greedy palm..a self-styled beggar,demanding to be fed...i smiled ...the same peaceful smile...he did not smile back...his bushy brows started crawling slowly,threateningly towards each other....i had sinned..there was no redemption....it would come...my freedom would come....the minutes held their breath in suspence...and then, as i had expected 'the civilised Man' to behave, i got pulled up from my seat and then, a push...a mighty push...a push....and that is all i remember....
They do not sell newspapers in the Other World...but they do carry tidings from the breathing world to this one now and then...i heard that i had landed on a pavement..my blood had created quite a gory masterpiece there...people had gathered,bewildered,excited...the Press had taken pictures of me...and in all of them,i had this peaceful, angelic smile on my face....